I would like readers to know that I have published a review of a parenting program called “The Total Transformation” by James Lehman.

My parenting course, “Talking To Toddlers” is highly effective for the day to day problems that most parents face when dealing with young kids – typically ages 2 through 6 (even though the techniques remain effective well beyond those years, and I often get emails from customers telling me they used the techniques on adults with success).

That said – I fully acknowledge that when it comes to kids who are older than 6 and who are abusive and  obnoxious then you need to equip yourself with more than the language tools that I teach.  Essentially, what I teach parents to do is to use language as a tool to deal with what I’ll call *ordinary* problems that stress out parents.  When it comes to older children who are troubled, and are out of control, then I would not rely on my course alone.  You need a program that teaches you how to get your kids to solve their own problems.  James Lehman is an expert at this.

James Lehman has put together a tremendous program calld The Total Transformation.  I have gone through the entire program and I share my thoughts on it in my review.  Check it out here.

Hey, I'm Chris Thompson. I help stressed-out parents deal with toddlers. Grab the free lesson I've prepared for you. You'll love it. Email:

I’m not sure why I remember this, but I have fond and fuzzy memories of my father playing games with me like “This little piggy went to the market”, “Round and round the garden” and so on. There is no way I was older than 4 at the time he played those games with me, but the feelings are perfectly intact and its no wonder I played those same games with my own kids.

You can play all kinds of games with kids that will make them laugh. When your kids are already in a great mood it’s not a heck of a challenge to get them laughing. But I also want to emphasize that games can take a bad mood and turn them into a good mood. A game can quickly take a mad toddler or child and turn the anger and frustration into laughter.

Here’s one game that I made up based on the concept of a pattern interrupt. Whenever my daughter starts crying over something that doesn’t justify the crying, I’ll pick her up and hold her upside down. I’ll playfully tell her that she can cry as much as she wants but she has to do it upside down. The first time I ever did this to her it was a spur of the moment idea. It worked really well. She couldn’t help but start laughing instead of whining and crying.

Ever since then I’ve used this same tactic over and over again. It has become anchored as a behavior that creates a positive mindset almost instantly. I don’t even need to lift her upside down anymore (but I often do because I like to make her laugh). I just have to ask her, “Honey, do you want to keep crying because I can lift you upside down so you can keep doing it”. I have to say it in the right tone of voice. It’s not a serious tone. It’s a playful tone. I tell you it works wonderfully.

I’m sure you can use this idea to create your own games to deal with child behavior issues. It’s a lot of fun to turn negative emotional states into positive ones.

I got a really nice email the other day.  It said, “Good day Chris -  Thanks a lot for the great tips.  I’ve been using them and I can see a difference already.”

This was one of those emails that makes you smile.  If you are not already on my email list just take a look to the sidebar at the right side of the page.  You’ll see the sign-up form.  It’s free.  I send you a free audio lesson and then (unadvertised) I send you a bunch of daily tips to get you started down a better path with less parenting stress.

Sign up!  You have nothing to lose and there is an “unsubscribe” link on every single email (I respect your privacy!)

This weekend I was at the park with my two daughters while my wife was out for a few hours. The temperature is starting to get warmer in Toronto, but it was still barely above freezing. It was 3 degrees Celcius (37F). I had the girls dressed in winter coats, thin mittens, and thin hats.

It wasn’t the nicest day outside. It was pretty cloudy and wet. Besides us, there was only a father and his two sons at the park. The boys were probably 5 and 7. They were running around and happy.

But I noticed something odd. The younger boy had no coat on. He was running around with a short sleeve shirt and a pair of jogging pants. My assessment is that the father probably realized this was a bad idea. But I’m betting the kid would have thrown a tantrum if the father forced him to keep his coat on. So the father caved, and opted to instead risk his child get sick from exposure to the cold.

I realize that sometimes kids can be a handful. But let’s think about this trade off. Here we have a parent that consciously chose to allow his child to freeze in order to avoid a fight. That’s a bit crazy if you ask me.

Why am I so sure this was the trade-off? Because a few minutes later, after the boys stopped running around, the younger boy sat down on the slide. The slide was wet from the prior night’s rain. His pants got quite wet, and he started to complain. Then he started to cry that he wanted to go home. It was evident to me that this boy used the same tactic to get his Dad to let him take his coat off.

As someone who has studied hypnosis and NLP I’m taught to be observant of physical changes. This boy’s body position had changed and he was visibly cold. His skin color was more pale than a few minutes ago. He was holding his arms close to his body.

Did the father offer his son a coat? No. Instead he just (understandably) complied with the boy’s request to go home. But then the young boy said to his dad, “But I want to come back after I change my pants”. To this, the father said “No – we are going home and we’re staying home”. At this point, the boy’s crying turned from gentle sobbing into all-out screaming.

This was one of those times I wish the father had my audio course. He would have understood that there are easier ways to handle the situation. I always teach parents that saying “No” is a rapport-killer, and amplifies whatever negative state the child is already in. There are better ways to get the kids home without standing in the cold having a debate about whether you’ll all return to he park after changing. It would have been easy for the father to simply shift the conversation away from this debate.

In looking at my traffic on this blog, I see lots of traffic but not enough comments. I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts. What would you have done differently?

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

When it comes to parenting toddlers, one common problem is that toddlers like to take their toys out, but they are not so keen on putting them away.

The reason is very natural.  Clean-up time is just not a whole lot of fun for anyone.  At least that’s the way your kids (and probably you) have been conditioned.

In my house we’ve changed this by anchoring a positive feeling to the whole cleanup process.  When I say “anchoring a positive feeling” I mean that we have established a ritual that is fun for the kids, so it makes them feel good.  Since the fun is connected to clean-up time it literally programs their brains to enjoy clean-up time.

What do we do?  We play a particular song and sing along while we put away the toys.  The song is “Dreamer” by Supertramp.  It’s a fun song and we’ve come up with our spoof version of it at home.  Basically we substitute the word “Clean-up”  instead of “Dreamer”. Really complicated (not!)

“Clean-up …everybody clean-up… Put Your hands in the air oh oh …”

The kids probably think that these are the real lyrics.  We call it “The clean-up song” at home.  When my youngest daughter was just learning to speak she would shout out at the “oh oh” part because she could not sing the rest.  And she did it with such enthusiasm and excitement!

One day I’ll teach them the real lyrics so they don’t get made fun of when they are older.  It reminds me of this one “Saturday Night Live” skit where they talk about songs that are commonly sung with the wrong lyrics.  “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix was on the list because some people sing “Excuse me while I kiss this guy” instead of “Excuse me while I kiss the sky”.  What a laugh!

Anyway back to the point of all this:  My kids enjoy the clean-up process because we (parents) are actively involved and we’ve turned it into a fun activity with an attached feel-good song.  That’s why it works.  There are no fights.  I just put on the song and start singing.  You can do this with any activity and make it fun.

I teach you how to use the process of anchoring in my audio course on dealing with toddler behavior.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson