The Total Transformation Program is geared to parents dealing with troubled kids starting at the age of 6 and up. Those of you who follow my blog know that I offer an audio program for dealing with toddlers. The Total Transformation Program by James Lehman is an amazing product to help you deal with problem kids well beyond the toddler years (i.e. 6+.)

Some parents are often guilty of telling friends their kids are going through a “phase” when they act obnoxious or abusive rather than demanding a change. Kids feed off this and continue to act out aggressively convinced their parents are weak.

Lesson 2 of the Total Transformation Program will teach you how to identify ineffective parenting roles that you take on and what kids learn from them. To create change, it is important for you to practice these effective strategies.

Let’s take a look at some examples of ineffective parenting roles and what the kids learn from them.

If your child likes to push the limits by negotiating the already-established rules and you fall into the trap of re-negotiating they are learning that boundaries are not solid. The child is actually just interested in winning the battle of the negotiation rather then the actual outcome. Kids begin to see that limits aren’t real, can be changed or ignored.

If you find that you are always getting into a screaming match with your kids out of utter frustration, you have actually come down to the child’s level. They begin to see you as their peer and in turn your credibility has been lost. The parent is supposed to be the one in control, who sets limits and follows through with consequences.

This lesson will help you figure out your parenting style. To get the most out of the lesson you have to be brutally honest with yourself.  Acknowledging your own ineffective parenting approach is the first step to bringing about change in you and your child.

Continue reading my review of the Total Transformation Program.

Listen to audio samples of the Total Transformation Program.

Hey, I'm Chris Thompson. I help stressed-out parents deal with toddlers. Grab the free lesson I've prepared for you. You'll love it. Email:

I read a story dealing with the terrible twos this morning.  A study released back in 1996 apparently concluded that the terrible twos are caused by parents.  The article suggested that different “asset and liabilities” such as personality traits, economic status, social support and work-related stress were the biggest factors in determining if kids would go through the “terrible twos”.

In some ways I agree, but in other ways I disagree.  Let me explain.  First of all, I think that all kids go through a period of ‘testing the waters’.  They push boundaries.  They ask for things that they know they can’t have.  No matter *what* you do as a parent you are not going to stop a child from pushing the boundaries.  It is part of growth.  It is expected and healthy.  Yes, it is healthy.

But – how you *deal* with it as  a parent is totally within your control.  Unfortunately kids do not come with instruction manuals.  What I’ve discovered is that using language strategies can solve most of the daily problems that parents run into.  If you easily get frustrated with your child, or if you constantly tell your child “no” to things then you are literally asking for tantrums and other so-called “bad behavior”. On the other hand, if you learn how to apply distraction techniques, create the illusion of choice, manage your child’s emotional state, or reframe situations by changing their definition (among many other tools I teach), then you’ll end up avoiding these problems.  Your kids (and you) will smile more often and you’ll have less parenting stress.

Click on the link here to get a free audio lesson where I’ll teach you 3 simple techniques you can start using right now.

I highly recommend the Total Transformation system for parents dealing with older, troubled kids.  Those of you who follow my blog already know that I offer an audio program for dealing with toddlers.  The Total Transformation Program by James Lehman is an amazing product to help you deal with problem kids and teens (ages 6 and up).

Ever wonder what causes a child to act out negatively towards their parents?  Lesson 1 of the Total Transformation explains what triggers kids to act abusive, disrespectful or obnoxious.

As parents we tend to get easily frustrated with our kids when we don’t understand why they are behaving a certain way. Instead of understanding why they are misbehaving, we should be asking ourselves what do they need to do to make changes to resolve the situation.

These behaviors are not caused by low self-esteem or mental illness. They occur when the child is not able to understand their perceptions, thoughts and feelings.

Think about your child.  Does he or she take the victim-stance with you, never taking responsibility for his or her actions? Perhaps, your child lies either by vagueness or pretending to misunderstand you? Or maybe you have a kid who completes only part of a task but wants to reap all of the rewards and then acts angrily when he doesn’t get them? These are just a few examples of a kid’s defiant behavior.

Believe it or not, this negative behavior is learned and is often rewarded. The next time your kid starts to use negative behavior to deal with a situation, tell them that it won’t help solve the problem. Say to the child “When you said that you were sorry for swearing at me, while blaming me for making you angry, I didn’t buy the apology.”

It is important to recognize that kids need to be accountable for their actions. Please stop blaming yourself. The negative behavior is not caused by the parent. This lesson will give you the tools you need to help your kids develop good problem solving skills.

Continue reading my review of the Total Transformation Program.

Listen to audio samples of the Total Transformation Program.

I would like readers to know that I have published a review of a parenting program called “The Total Transformation” by James Lehman.

My parenting course, “Talking To Toddlers” is highly effective for the day to day problems that most parents face when dealing with young kids – typically ages 2 through 6 (even though the techniques remain effective well beyond those years, and I often get emails from customers telling me they used the techniques on adults with success).

That said – I fully acknowledge that when it comes to kids who are older than 6 and who are abusive and  obnoxious then you need to equip yourself with more than the language tools that I teach.  Essentially, what I teach parents to do is to use language as a tool to deal with what I’ll call *ordinary* problems that stress out parents.  When it comes to older children who are troubled, and are out of control, then I would not rely on my course alone.  You need a program that teaches you how to get your kids to solve their own problems.  James Lehman is an expert at this.

James Lehman has put together a tremendous program calld The Total Transformation.  I have gone through the entire program and I share my thoughts on it in my review.  Check it out here.

I’m not sure why I remember this, but I have fond and fuzzy memories of my father playing games with me like “This little piggy went to the market”, “Round and round the garden” and so on. There is no way I was older than 4 at the time he played those games with me, but the feelings are perfectly intact and its no wonder I played those same games with my own kids.

You can play all kinds of games with kids that will make them laugh. When your kids are already in a great mood it’s not a heck of a challenge to get them laughing. But I also want to emphasize that games can take a bad mood and turn them into a good mood. A game can quickly take a mad toddler or child and turn the anger and frustration into laughter.

Here’s one game that I made up based on the concept of a pattern interrupt. Whenever my daughter starts crying over something that doesn’t justify the crying, I’ll pick her up and hold her upside down. I’ll playfully tell her that she can cry as much as she wants but she has to do it upside down. The first time I ever did this to her it was a spur of the moment idea. It worked really well. She couldn’t help but start laughing instead of whining and crying.

Ever since then I’ve used this same tactic over and over again. It has become anchored as a behavior that creates a positive mindset almost instantly. I don’t even need to lift her upside down anymore (but I often do because I like to make her laugh). I just have to ask her, “Honey, do you want to keep crying because I can lift you upside down so you can keep doing it”. I have to say it in the right tone of voice. It’s not a serious tone. It’s a playful tone. I tell you it works wonderfully.

I’m sure you can use this idea to create your own games to deal with child behavior issues. It’s a lot of fun to turn negative emotional states into positive ones.

I got a really nice email the other day.  It said, “Good day Chris -  Thanks a lot for the great tips.  I’ve been using them and I can see a difference already.”

This was one of those emails that makes you smile.  If you are not already on my email list just take a look to the sidebar at the right side of the page.  You’ll see the sign-up form.  It’s free.  I send you a free audio lesson and then (unadvertised) I send you a bunch of daily tips to get you started down a better path with less parenting stress.

Sign up!  You have nothing to lose and there is an “unsubscribe” link on every single email (I respect your privacy!)

This weekend I was at the park with my two daughters while my wife was out for a few hours. The temperature is starting to get warmer in Toronto, but it was still barely above freezing. It was 3 degrees Celcius (37F). I had the girls dressed in winter coats, thin mittens, and thin hats.

It wasn’t the nicest day outside. It was pretty cloudy and wet. Besides us, there was only a father and his two sons at the park. The boys were probably 5 and 7. They were running around and happy.

But I noticed something odd. The younger boy had no coat on. He was running around with a short sleeve shirt and a pair of jogging pants. My assessment is that the father probably realized this was a bad idea. But I’m betting the kid would have thrown a tantrum if the father forced him to keep his coat on. So the father caved, and opted to instead risk his child get sick from exposure to the cold.

I realize that sometimes kids can be a handful. But let’s think about this trade off. Here we have a parent that consciously chose to allow his child to freeze in order to avoid a fight. That’s a bit crazy if you ask me.

Why am I so sure this was the trade-off? Because a few minutes later, after the boys stopped running around, the younger boy sat down on the slide. The slide was wet from the prior night’s rain. His pants got quite wet, and he started to complain. Then he started to cry that he wanted to go home. It was evident to me that this boy used the same tactic to get his Dad to let him take his coat off.

As someone who has studied hypnosis and NLP I’m taught to be observant of physical changes. This boy’s body position had changed and he was visibly cold. His skin color was more pale than a few minutes ago. He was holding his arms close to his body.

Did the father offer his son a coat? No. Instead he just (understandably) complied with the boy’s request to go home. But then the young boy said to his dad, “But I want to come back after I change my pants”. To this, the father said “No – we are going home and we’re staying home”. At this point, the boy’s crying turned from gentle sobbing into all-out screaming.

This was one of those times I wish the father had my audio course. He would have understood that there are easier ways to handle the situation. I always teach parents that saying “No” is a rapport-killer, and amplifies whatever negative state the child is already in. There are better ways to get the kids home without standing in the cold having a debate about whether you’ll all return to he park after changing. It would have been easy for the father to simply shift the conversation away from this debate.

In looking at my traffic on this blog, I see lots of traffic but not enough comments. I’d LOVE to hear your thoughts. What would you have done differently?

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

When it comes to parenting toddlers, one common problem is that toddlers like to take their toys out, but they are not so keen on putting them away.

The reason is very natural.  Clean-up time is just not a whole lot of fun for anyone.  At least that’s the way your kids (and probably you) have been conditioned.

In my house we’ve changed this by anchoring a positive feeling to the whole cleanup process.  When I say “anchoring a positive feeling” I mean that we have established a ritual that is fun for the kids, so it makes them feel good.  Since the fun is connected to clean-up time it literally programs their brains to enjoy clean-up time.

What do we do?  We play a particular song and sing along while we put away the toys.  The song is “Dreamer” by Supertramp.  It’s a fun song and we’ve come up with our spoof version of it at home.  Basically we substitute the word “Clean-up”  instead of “Dreamer”. Really complicated (not!)

“Clean-up …everybody clean-up… Put Your hands in the air oh oh …”

The kids probably think that these are the real lyrics.  We call it “The clean-up song” at home.  When my youngest daughter was just learning to speak she would shout out at the “oh oh” part because she could not sing the rest.  And she did it with such enthusiasm and excitement!

One day I’ll teach them the real lyrics so they don’t get made fun of when they are older.  It reminds me of this one “Saturday Night Live” skit where they talk about songs that are commonly sung with the wrong lyrics.  “Purple Haze” by Jimi Hendrix was on the list because some people sing “Excuse me while I kiss this guy” instead of “Excuse me while I kiss the sky”.  What a laugh!

Anyway back to the point of all this:  My kids enjoy the clean-up process because we (parents) are actively involved and we’ve turned it into a fun activity with an attached feel-good song.  That’s why it works.  There are no fights.  I just put on the song and start singing.  You can do this with any activity and make it fun.

I teach you how to use the process of anchoring in my audio course on dealing with toddler behavior.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

Usually I write articles about parenting toddlers and dealing with behavior issues.  But this post is different.  I’m really concerned about the dangerous HPV vaccine “Gardasil” that is being pushed on young kids all over the place.  It’s particularly bad in the USA where some states have even tried to make it a legal requirement.

Make no mistake – this vaccine is DANGEROUS.  I’m not a doctor, but my firm view on this is based upon the research that I’ve seen from other doctors that I respect enormously.  For example, Dr. Joseph Mercola who has an outstanding website at http://www.mercola.com (Mercola is worth paying close attention to).

Merck is the maker of the Gardasil vaccine.  It is loaded with aluminum, a known neurotoxin.  I have two daughters and I can’t tell you what lengths I would go to in order to protect them.  Never will I endanger them with Merck’s poisonous vaccine.

Here is a very sad video that will hopefully make you think twice about vaccinating your children with Gardasil: http://www.rockymountainnews.com/videos/detail/ashley-story/

Parents – keep your girls safe.  Do your homework and avoid Gardasil.

When you get angry at your kid’s behavior it is easy to fall into the trap of yelling.  I’m often going to great lengths to explain to parents what they need to do instead of yelling.  My audio course consists of hours of information to help parents develop much better tools to deal with bad behavior.

But what is it about yelling that is so bad?  Part of the problem (a big part) is that yelling takes away your power.  When you yell you are showing emotion, and that particular display of emotion is equivalent to reduced power. Your kids know this.  They might not know it on a conscious level, particularly if they are young toddlers, but they do know it on an unconscious level.  That is, they know it without consciously thinking about it (much the same way that you know you are hungry without having to think about it, and you know to breathe without thinking about it).

How to you maintain power?  You must stay calm and if you need to discipline your child you must do it in an unemotional way.  It’s a lot better to say, “Sally you’re going to spend some time in your room now until you calm down” than it is to yell “Sally!  Go to your room!  You are in big trouble!  Don’t come out until I say you can!”.

The point I’m making here is valid for children of any age.  It is not just advice for parents of toddlers.  Use this advice with your teenagers too.  Make a habit of staying calm.  Find better ways to deal by being unemotional.  And there is always my audio course for dealing with difficult toddlers.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson