I read a story dealing with the terrible twos this morning.  A study released back in 1996 apparently concluded that the terrible twos are caused by parents.  The article suggested that different “asset and liabilities” such as personality traits, economic status, social support and work-related stress were the biggest factors in determining if kids would go through the “terrible twos”.

In some ways I agree, but in other ways I disagree.  Let me explain.  First of all, I think that all kids go through a period of ‘testing the waters’.  They push boundaries.  They ask for things that they know they can’t have.  No matter *what* you do as a parent you are not going to stop a child from pushing the boundaries.  It is part of growth.  It is expected and healthy.  Yes, it is healthy.

But – how you *deal* with it as  a parent is totally within your control.  Unfortunately kids do not come with instruction manuals.  What I’ve discovered is that using language strategies can solve most of the daily problems that parents run into.  If you easily get frustrated with your child, or if you constantly tell your child “no” to things then you are literally asking for tantrums and other so-called “bad behavior”. On the other hand, if you learn how to apply distraction techniques, create the illusion of choice, manage your child’s emotional state, or reframe situations by changing their definition (among many other tools I teach), then you’ll end up avoiding these problems.  Your kids (and you) will smile more often and you’ll have less parenting stress.

Click on the link here to get a free audio lesson where I’ll teach you 3 simple techniques you can start using right now.

Hey, I'm Chris Thompson. I help stressed-out parents deal with toddlers. Grab the free lesson I've prepared for you. You'll love it. Email:

Have you ever noticed that when kids are cooped up inside too much, their mood goes sour quickly? This makes parenting more stressful.

Well guess what? Winter is coming for those of us in the northern hemisphere. I sent an email to a friend in Australia recently telling him how jealous I was of their upcoming summer. I’m not a huge fan of Winter. Where I live, the snow starts to fall, it gets really cold, and people easily find themselves in a state of misery. At least that’s what happens to adults.

What about children? We bundle them up tightly when we take them outside, and they absolutely LOVE it. They are toasty warm and they could play outside for hours. Us parents, on the other hand, tend not to dress warm enough to actually enjoy the outdoors. We just put on enough clothing to endure it.

Because we adults tend to only endure the weather, rather than enjoy it, we like to stay indoors. We don’t get enough sunshine (which gives us Vitamin D), and we feel more depressed because we are cooped up inside of the house. If we are cooped up, we tend to keep our kids cooped, up and then pretty soon everyone is in a bad mood.

There is a much better way to live. About one week ago my parents came into town to visit with their grandchildren, along with visiting my wife and I. We were starting to get bored of being in the house so we went out for a walk. It was actually a really cold day. Initially, I just put on boots and a winter coat, but the kids were in full snow suits (snow pants and all).

I walked outside and felt the wind nipping at my legs through my jeans. I quickly decided to go back in the house and put on a pair of athletic pants under my jeans. I put my boots back on and rejoined the family outside to begin our walk. What I observed is that this small change in how I dressed made a massive difference in my comfort. I was completely warm and comfortable now, despite the “crappy” weather.

We really enjoyed being outside and the kids went from being crabby to being totally energized and excited. They smiled and laughed. It was an incredible change.

So when the weather gets crappy in your area, just get outside anyway! Dress appropriately and enjoy the outdoors. Your kids will love it and by making small changes to how you dress, you’ll enjoy it too.

When your kids are in a better mood, you’ll enjoy being their parents much more. This is just one more simple way to improve child behavior. Unlike what I teach in my audio course, this is a simple change that you can make which has nothing at all to do with language skills. But the end goal is the same – parents want to keep their kids in good moods to avoid stress.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

If you have a toddler in your house, then I’m sure you are familiar with the terrible twos. This is my first blog entry in what I expect to become a busy blog with loads of postings and user comments. So I thought it would be great to get the ball rolling by posting something that will help parents, and by giving a perspective not often found in the parenting community.

I have two beautiful daughters, but I would be lying if I said they were perfect little angels all the time. Of course they aren’t! We have nicknames for our girls. The oldest is “Monkey”. This was given to her when she learned to crawl in the early years. The youngest is “Kit Kat”, which was invented by my wife’s loving Aunt. It just stuck instantly!

Monkey and Kit Kat do their fare share of things that make us want to leave them with a babysitter for a few days! Most of the time my kids are quite well behaved, but they are normal – they get mad, they fight, they scream, and they throw the occasional tantrum. But it never lasts long and we always have a massive bag full of tricks to deal with these situations. The result is far less stress for my wife and I. We just roll with the punches. My 15 years of experience in NLP and Ericksonian Hypnosis certainly helps, but the strategies I use to deal with toddlers can be learned by anyone very quickly.

What I want to focus on in this blog post is the need to start with yourself before you worry about your child’s behavior. How you behave on the outside is critical because your child will model you. If you scream and yell at your child then your child will scream and yell back at you. Even worse, your child will learn that this is actually something they should do when mad. Believe me, this is NOT what you want your kids to learn!

Now let’s say that you don’t scream at your kids when they misbehave, but you get really mad on the inside, yet you manage to control yourself. This is better, but kids (and all humans/animals) will pick up on your non-verbal signals. The vast majority of communication is non-verbal!

The redness in your face, the heavier breathing, the tension in your muscles and the pace of your speech will serve as non-verbal cues to your child that he or she is succeeding in pushing your buttons.

In another post I will talk about how to actually deal with your children when they misbehave. But for now what I want to get through to you is the concept of relaxation. If you are relaxed and comfortable, your non-verbal communication to your child will be far more effective.

Your inner psychology is directly connected to your outward physiology. Because of this, it is very easy to change your psychology by adjusting your physiology. This direct link is extremely useful to you because you can take specific steps to relax and stay calm when dealing with your kids.

Here are some steps you can take:

1. Take a deep breath and exhale in a controlled, calm manner.
2. Say something out loud in a very casual tone of voice. It doesn’t matter what you say, so long as you use the same voice you’d be using when talking to a close friend. Pick a phrase that you can use consistently, such that it becomes an “anchor phrase”. An example of this would be, “It’s nice to know you can always relax whenever you want to”.
3. Recall a past memory (anything that comes to mind) when you were totally relaxed. For a few seconds, just remember what you saw, what you heard, and how good it felt. This will get you back into that same state very quickly.
4. Take note of any remaining tension in any parts of your body (you’ll begin to notice where tension builds up for you during moments of stress). As you notice where the remaining tension is, take a moment to visualize calm, soothing white light shining on those spots of tension in your body, and just imagine that the light is melting away the tension. Pretending it is happening is no different than having it really happen – your unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference!

This whole process may take you 10 seconds. It’s purpose is to completely alter your physical and emotional state so that you’ll be in a more resourceful state to deal with the “problem child”.

When your kids are misbehaving, 10 seconds can seem like eternity. But you know better. Believe me this is 10 seconds well spent. Now, when you deal with your children, you’ll convey a stronger and calmer message, you’ll get better results, and you’ll feel better about the outcome.

Enjoy Your Children,
Chris Thompson