Let me share a little secret with you. Parents almost always forget to ask questions, therefore missing an opportunity to gather important information. Asking a few simple questions to your toddler or young child will often solve problems.

Here’s an example from my own life. My youngest daughter was just shy of her third birthday. We had finished “quiet time” in Mommy and Daddy’s room, watching some cartoon shows together before bed. The kids knew the routine well. 7pm rolls around and it’s bedtime. First we brush teeth, and then we go snuggle together and read books.

When I said, “OK – time to go brush your teeth”, my daughter looked at me and said, “No, I don’t want to brush my teeth”. I began to explain to her that we’d snuggle and read books only after she brushed, but I could see she was already starting to tear up. Something was not normal about this.

I think that in most child/parent scenarios, this would have turned into a tantrum, and nobody would have been happy. But I knew the power of asking questions. So I asked a very simple question. “Sweetie, what is it that you don’t like about brushing your teeth?”

You know what she said to me? I would never have expected this reply. She said, “I don’t like the toothpaste”. She said it with a hint of fear, as if brushing her teeth was an act that forced her to taste something awful. Immediately I remembered that we had just bought the kids a new tube of toothpaste. It was different than what we normally used. Obviously, she didn’t approve – but she hadn’t said anything before this moment.

I put my arm around her and said, “Oh – I understand … you are telling me that you don’t like the toothpaste. That’s ok. We don’t have to use that toothpaste. We can just brush with water tonight. No toothpaste. We can go to the store together and get you a new toothpaste that you’ll like”.

If you are thinking that I’m just a big softie, think again. There is no reason that I feel compelled to force my kid to brush with toothpaste that she hates. If I hated my own toothpaste, I’d throw it away and buy a new brand. Why treat her with any less respect? This isn’t prison.

In the end, she was completely happy to brush her teeth, just not with that particular brand of paste. I got her to bed with no fights, no crying, and plenty of hugs.

The most powerful lessons in life are often very simple. In this case, the lesson is to ask good questions. If your toddler doesn’t want to eat something, ask what it is about it they don’t like. If your child won’t wear a particular piece of clothing that you’re trying to dress him in, ask what he doesn’t like about it. You might just be surprised to find out that the food gets stuck in his teeth, or the shirt has a tag that itches the back of his neck. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know.

To discover more powerful language strategies that result in better child behavior, check out my audio course, Talking to Toddlers

We stayed at the Iberostar Varadero, which our travel agent recommended to us as one of the best hotels to stay at. He was right. We had been to Varadero 8 years earlier, without kids, and we picked a pretty crappy and cheap hotel. This time around it was way better.

Over the years, traveling with kids, we have learned a few important tips that I thought I’d share in this blog post. Most of these relate to visiting all-inclusive resorts in the Caribbean, since that’s what we usually do in the winter. Here goes:

• Most of the restaurants at resorts do not have “take away” packaging for food. If you have young kids who are excited to hit the beach or pool, they may not eat enough at breakfast. By 9:30 or 10:00 they’ll be begging for food. I recommend that you bring a couple of plastic plates with you on vacation, or a small disposable Tupperware-style container. This way you can go grab some food from the buffet restaurant and take it back to your spot at the pool or beach.
• It’s also a good idea to pack a sippy cup for each child, for easy transportation of water and juice.
• Sunscreen is a must! I really believe in the value and health benefits of sun exposure, but when you live in Canada, or any colder climate, you just can’t tolerate hours of Caribbean sun every day. We went to the Dollar Store (Dollarama, in Toronto) and we got spray-on sunscreen for $2 per bottle. It was a name brand, also. Spray is easy and fast, compared to the kind you have to rub into your child’s skin. It also covers the face better (make sure to get your children to close their eyes and exhale while you spray it, and just be quick).
• If the dinner hours at the restaurant do not correspond well with your child’s bedtime, you might use room service (included at most resorts). If you do, ask them to bring extra plates because you’ll likely be sharing the food with more than one child.
• If you are a coffee drinker, bring travel mugs. You will probably end up leaving the breakfast restaurant before you have your fill of coffee, so this solves your caffeine problem. I can’t tell you how many years in a row my wife and I would forget to do this. Then, at the resort, we’d see other people with travel mugs and kick ourselves.
• Do your best to get your kids to take an afternoon nap. They will get very tired playing all day, and they’ll probably want to stay up later than their normal bedtime. If you want to avoid having them run their little immune systems into the ground, a nap is a wonderful way to do it. Plus, it gives you a bit more quiet time to enjoy your vacation.
• Keep the kids hydrated. Remember the sippy cup idea? Make sure you keep pumping your kids full of water, and sometimes juice (I recommend diluting it with water).
• Pack a lot of cheap activities that your kids can use on the plane and in case of rainy weather. Coloring books, crayons, and stickers are all cheap and effective ideas. You can buy them at a dollar store and just throw them away when done.
• Buy cheap inflatable toys for the pool and then leave them at the resort when you come home. You can get beach balls, and other great water toys for next to nothing these days, and they don’t take up any space in your luggage, nor do they weigh much. I also bought a pack splash bombs for about $4 at WalMart. These things are hours of entertainment in the pool. Highly recommended.
• Bring snacks for the plane also. Charter flights from vacation companies are always packed, and you’ll be glad you planned ahead if you bring your own snacks. I recommend healthy alternatives such as nuts and dried fruit when possible, not cookies, twinkies, and other garbage.

Those are my thoughts. Do you have any of your own tips that you’d like to share? Please leave your comments!

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

Well, it’s January 6th today. I’m willing to bet that a lot of you made some sort of New Year’s resolution to improve your physical fitness, lose weight, or something along those lines. I’m also willing to bet that some of you have already fallen off the wagon.

I’d like to offer you some motivation to stay on track, set a good example for your kids, and improve your overall health.

Before we begin …

I want to tell you about a guy I know named Mike Geary. He’s a Certified Nutrition Specialist and Certified Personal Trainer. I’ve been reading his stuff for a while, and I think he’s worth listening to.

He’s also the author of a great book called “The Truth About Six Pack Abs”. I buy a lot of ’stuff’ and I have a copy of his book (it’s a digital product just like my parenting course).

Here’s a link to his book, but don’t click on it just yet. There’s more that you need to know.

Ok, so what’s the point of this post? And how can you get a copy of Talking to Toddlers for free? Here’s the answer: I’m going to give you a free copy of my course if you give Mike’s fitness book a fair shot. “Fair shot” is really an honesty policy thing.

You see, he sells his product on the ClickBank marketplace (for digital products), just like me, so his return policy is the same as mine. That means if you think it’s crap, you can get a refund within 60 days. Now, I know it’s *not* crap or I wouldn’t ever mention it to you. You see, if it was crap, you’d buy his book, you’d get my parenting course for free, and then you’d ask for a refund on his book (and I’d get zip). Why would I do that? Of course – I wouldn’t.

Rules

To get a copy of my course for free all you have to do is use my link to buy Mike’s fitness book. Yes, in case you are wondering, I get a commission, which is why I’m able to give you my course for free as a bonus. I feel it’s right to disclose that to you. But I’m basically giving you an ethical bribe. If you take me up on the offer, you get my course for free, and you have a risk-free return policy on his book.

Important

You must use this link right here to order. You must also verify that the following shows up at the bottom of the Clickbank order form:
[affiliate = t2toddlers]

If you make sure to do this, I’ll get credit for your purchase and you can then email me your clickbank receipt number(my email address is info AT talkingtotoddlers.com) and I’ll send you a free copy of Talking to Toddlers.

This offer is only valid until Sunday, January 10th.

Improve your chances of success

I’m a big believer of the rule of committment. If you commit to something publicly, you’re more likely to succeed at your goal.

So here’s what I want you to do. Go to the comments section on this blog posting and write down your fitness goals! Tell us how you want to be a role model for your kids! Do it and achieve it!

All the best to everyone,
Chris

It was Sunday morning and I was home with the kids while my wife was out at her usual workout. We were having breakfast and I put on some Christmas music. My older daughter said to me, “Daddy, can you put on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?”

We play our music from the computer, so I went over to the laptop to check. I didn’t have that song. Two minutes later I had found a great website with LOTS of free Christmas music. Here’s the link. I was able to download Rudolph, and a bunch of other great songs. There are plenty of kid-sung songs also, and I think toddlers, preschoolers and young kids of all sorts will love them. Check it out.

My Favorite Tech Gadget:

I use my computer to play music straight over our home stereo. I have iTunes loaded on all of our machines (both Mac and PC). A few years ago I bought this gadget called an “Airport Express”.

If you keep your music on your computer this is an absolutely must have gadget. The Airport Express plugs into the wall, and is very small. It connects over your Wi-Fi network and lets you play music from any computer (in any room) over to your stereo. It connects to the stereo using a normal left/right (red and white) RCA plug. The cool part is that this gadget now costs less than $100. When I first bought mine I believe it was $199.

The music is transmitted wirelessly, and it’s a digital connection so you are not losing any quality over the air. It’s really a fantastic solution. In my house, we have a laptop near the kitchen and I can just stroll over to it, pick a song, and it comes out the stereo nearby.

So enjoy the holidays that are coming soon! If you celebrate Christmas check out the free music I mentioned above, and consider getting yourself (or your tech-gadget loving spouse) an Airport Express.

Oh, if you own an iPod Touch (or iPhone), you can also use that gadget to remote-control your music and send it directly to the stereo too. That’s another reason to love the Airport Express.

I bet that when your toddler was an infant he did nap.  All infants nap.  So at some point the napping stopped.  If your toddler was napping regularly until about the age of 3, then it’s possible they’ve grown out of their need for a nap. Often it’s the parents who want the kids to continue napping so they get some extra child-free time. If that is your situation, I suggest you replace “nap time” with “quiet time”.  We did this in our house and it worked beautifully.  Just allow your toddler to play quietly or perhaps watch a children’s DVD while sitting on the couch with his comfort objects (blanket, stuffed animals, etc).  This will give your toddler a much needed rest.  It’s the next best thing to a nap for the parent also.

For those of you saying, “My toddler won’t nap and he still needs a nap!”, let’s analyze this scenario.  Most likely what has happened is your toddler has come to the conclusion that he’s missing out on something.  So nap time now has a negative association.  I highly recommend creating a new positive association to napping by discussing, with your toddler, what you’ll do after the nap is over.  Always schedule something fun that you can have your toddler look forward to.  This will re-build a positive association to the nap.  Remember, behavior is driven by emotion.  If your toddler has a new negative emotion regarding naps, he won’t want to nap.  So it’s your job to make turn the nap into something positive.  Giving your toddler something to look forward to after the nap is one way to accomplish this.

In my talking to toddlers audio course, I teach parents how to get their toddlers to cooperate by using language techniques.  Get your free audio lesson.

Enjoy your children,

Chris Thompson

I’m considering the idea of recording some of my blog posts in audio format because often it is easier to each the concepts and ideas that I have by talking.  Text is a bit tougher to get the fine points across with.  I found a very cool website that gives free access to music loops that will add to the quality of the audios.  Here it is:

Looperman.com – Free Samples, Loops, Tutorials and Pro Audio Resources

Anyway … post a comment if you like or dislike the idea.  Perhaps even tell me what you would like to hear in terms of content.

Make no mistake – this vaccine is DANGEROUS.  I’m not a doctor, but my firm view on this is based upon the research that I’ve seen from other doctors that I respect enormously.  For example, Dr. Joseph Mercola who has an outstanding website at http://www.mercola.com (Mercola is worth paying close attention to).

Merck is the maker of the Gardasil vaccine.  It is loaded with aluminum, a known neurotoxin.  I have two daughters and I can’t tell you what lengths I would go to in order to protect them.  Never will I endanger them with Merck’s poisonous vaccine.

Here is a very sad video that will hopefully make you think twice about vaccinating your children with Gardasil: http://www.rockymountainnews.com/videos/detail/ashley-story/

Parents – keep your girls safe.  Do your homework and avoid Gardasil.

But what is it about yelling that is so bad?  Part of the problem (a big part) is that yelling takes away your power.  When you yell you are showing emotion, and that particular display of emotion is equivalent to reduced power. Your kids know this.  They might not know it on a conscious level, particularly if they are young toddlers, but they do know it on an unconscious level.  That is, they know it without consciously thinking about it (much the same way that you know you are hungry without having to think about it, and you know to breathe without thinking about it).

How to you maintain power?  You must stay calm and if you need to discipline your child you must do it in an unemotional way.  It’s a lot better to say, “Sally you’re going to spend some time in your room now until you calm down” than it is to yell “Sally!  Go to your room!  You are in big trouble!  Don’t come out until I say you can!”.

The point I’m making here is valid for children of any age.  It is not just advice for parents of toddlers.  Use this advice with your teenagers too.  Make a habit of staying calm.  Find better ways to deal by being unemotional.  And there is always my audio course for dealing with difficult toddlers.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

Before I give you a few solutions, I thought it would be fun to share some of the moments that made my wife and I laugh over the last couple of years. My personal favorite is when our two daughters were taking a bath together. Our older daughter said to the youngest, “Sweetie, don’t drink the water because I peed in the bath”. We were both just about rolling on the floor when that came out of her mouth. Another time, when my daughter was about 3, I was taking a bath with her while my wife was in the bathroom brushing her teeth. My daughter looked at my wife and said, “Mommy, did you know that Daddy has a tail?” I think the neighbors must have heard us laughing at that one.

When we give our kids baths in our home, it has been programmed in their minds that bath time is fun. We laugh. We sing. We play with toys. We talk about anything. Both of our kids love taking baths because they see it as a really good time. I think that this is the key to making sure your kids are willing participants when it comes to getting squeaky clean.

Here are a few tips to get you going in this direction:

• Let your child sit in the bathroom while you take a bath. Put a few bath toys in the bath and play with them yourself. It seems weird but you might just get your child interested enough to want to join you.
• Get in the tub with your kids! In the toddler years this is a normal and healthy thing to do. Splash around with your kids and take turns dumping water on each other. Laugh about it.
• Get your child to pick a favorite toy to bring into the bath. In a really difficult situation have the child actually pick the toy out at the store him or herself, but only allow the child to play with this toy in the bath.
• Sing songs in the bath together.
• Give your child a straw to blow bubbles in the water with. This simple “toy” seems to really give kids a ton of pleasure. Just make sure they aren’t using it to drink the bath water!
• Last but not least, use the language tools that I teach in the “Talking to Toddlers” audio course. Presuppositions, double binds, yes sets and reframing techniques are just a few of the tools you’ll learn in this program. They are designed to get your toddlers to agree with your requests without resistance. They really do work!

Whatever you choose to do, make sure that you understand this one simple thing – getting your kids to take a bath is best accomplished by making it fun for the child. Every child is different, so find something that works for your child. Whatever you do, remember to be flexible and try new things.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson