I highly recommend the Total Transformation system for parents dealing with older, troubled kids. Those of you who follow my blog already know that I offer an audio program for dealing with toddlers. The Total Transformation Program by James Lehman is an amazing product to help you deal with problem kids and teens (ages 6 and up).
Ever wonder what causes a child to act out negatively towards their parents? Lesson 1 of the Total Transformation explains what triggers kids to act abusive, disrespectful or obnoxious.
As parents we tend to get easily frustrated with our kids when we don’t understand why they are behaving a certain way. Instead of understanding why they are misbehaving, we should be asking ourselves what do they need to do to make changes to resolve the situation.
These behaviors are not caused by low self-esteem or mental illness. They occur when the child is not able to understand their perceptions, thoughts and feelings.
Think about your child. Does he or she take the victim-stance with you, never taking responsibility for his or her actions? Perhaps, your child lies either by vagueness or pretending to misunderstand you? Or maybe you have a kid who completes only part of a task but wants to reap all of the rewards and then acts angrily when he doesn’t get them? These are just a few examples of a kid’s defiant behavior.
Believe it or not, this negative behavior is learned and is often rewarded. The next time your kid starts to use negative behavior to deal with a situation, tell them that it won’t help solve the problem. Say to the child “When you said that you were sorry for swearing at me, while blaming me for making you angry, I didn’t buy the apology.”
It is important to recognize that kids need to be accountable for their actions. Please stop blaming yourself. The negative behavior is not caused by the parent. This lesson will give you the tools you need to help your kids develop good problem solving skills.