Yelling At Your Kids Takes Away Your Power

When you get angry at your kid’s behavior it is easy to fall into the trap of yelling.  I’m often going to great lengths to explain to parents what they need to do instead of yelling.  My audio course consists of hours of information to help parents develop much better tools to deal with bad behavior.

But what is it about yelling that is so bad?  Part of the problem (a big part) is that yelling takes away your power.  When you yell you are showing emotion, and that particular display of emotion is equivalent to reduced power. Your kids know this.  They might not know it on a conscious level, particularly if they are young toddlers, but they do know it on an unconscious level.  That is, they know it without consciously thinking about it (much the same way that you know you are hungry without having to think about it, and you know to breathe without thinking about it).

How to you maintain power?  You must stay calm and if you need to discipline your child you must do it in an unemotional way.  It’s a lot better to say, “Sally you’re going to spend some time in your room now until you calm down” than it is to yell “Sally!  Go to your room!  You are in big trouble!  Don’t come out until I say you can!”.

The point I’m making here is valid for children of any age.  It is not just advice for parents of toddlers.  Use this advice with your teenagers too.  Make a habit of staying calm.  Find better ways to deal by being unemotional.  And there is always my audio course for dealing with difficult toddlers.

Enjoy your children,
Chris Thompson

SEE ALSO: This audio lesson will forever change the way you interact with your kids

3 Responses to Yelling At Your Kids Takes Away Your Power

  1. Miki April 14, 2009 at 9:22 am #

    ok, so what do you do now that you have stopped yelling… but you have managed to teach this bad behavior to your 5 yr old son, who uses it to tell his 2 yr old brother what to do.

    yesterday i tried a new tactic. i told 5yr old that everytime his tone/face/fists take on the anger that he is feeling he will get a warning (calmly from me) after which if he does not change his behavior he will get a ‘punishment’… which we chose together – and that was to have his face wiped with water (he doesn’t like water on his face and yet he understands that when he washes his face on his own he calms down) so this is our new trial… what do you think?

  2. Chris Thompson April 27, 2009 at 12:30 am #

    I think that calmly issuing a warning is exactly the right thing to do. I have some tactics that I teach in my audio course on how to threaten punishment that build on this.

    It is *smart* to pick the punishment together. That gives your child ownership of the punishment. My only concern is that the punishment you are using may anchor a fear of water into your son’s unconscious. Does he swim, will he put his face in the water during bathtime? if NOT, then I would change this punishment. If YES, then you’re fine with it.

  3. Rina August 7, 2009 at 8:17 am #

    I totally agree. I think that when we, parents, get angry we lose control just as our kids.
    So the real question here is how to teach ourselves to not lose control? How do we teach this to our children before we master it ourselves?
    How can a parent stay clam when a child is doing something really obnoxious (like making a certain noise, or screaming in the car or hitting his sibling etc.)?

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